Sometimes I wonder why many things don’t go the way I want them to go. I feel like struggles dominate my life & sometimes I just think about what I have done wrong to make things this way. What decision have I made? Today was graduation and all I could think of was how happy families & friends were. Sometimes I feel like I cannot make that happen. The GIF I posted about a couple days ago, with Will from the show the show Fresh Prince of Bel Air, stated “I’m scared man…..I mean, what if I never get my life together?” And those words described how I felt. Right now I am just dreaming, figuring out if my dreams can really become a reality. How can they become a reality? The struggles I face make me feel sad. And I feel like that’s the reason why I love helping people and providing for others. It hurts so much but the great thing about this is that Jesus is here with me through this ride.
I also just want to say that it is cool to express yourself. Some people believe that because you have total trust in God, you shouldn’t be expressing your emotions and your struggles. I kinda look down on that. I believe that expressing yourself is a way to grow. Sometimes we do not want to appear weak.
I love you and I don’t even know you.
May 17th, 2013
For once I just want to feel safe.
“When I say “Jesus loves you”, I’m not saying it to make myself look like a Christian, but because it is the truth.”
- Wrote this awhile ago. Shook my heart.
The heart screams for love, but the mind asks for leadership.
May 14th, 2013
A big chunk of my life is private. Relationship-wise, personal decisions, materialistic things, school, etc. I feel like what I share with others is a big decision. I was not like that before.
Another thing, Proverbs this summer 2013.
Growing up I considered myself ugly. I believe that the reason I didn’t have much friends was because of the color of my skin and how dark I was. Another reason was probably because my name “Olufunke”, was kind of hard to pronounce and it looked funny. But I would say that throughout my life growing up I was always nice. Up til today, people know me as that “nice” girl with a beautiful heart. Yeah, there were times where I was mean, probably 10%. I am serious, but I was always nice. Now that I look back at my life, I am glad that they way people treated me did not reflect on my attitude towards them.
Today, I noticed that the people who wear the most make-up, or even a bit of make up and or have permed (relaxed) hair are the ones who call people ugly. I really hate that. People who are self-cautious of how they look are the ones who make sure that the person they pick on knows how they feel about them. People who spend bucks trying to look a certain way feel like they have a right to make a person feel below or underneath them.
We need to look at what beauty is. A guy is not going to go for a young lady with a bad attitude. Men like that have low standards. People respect beautiful and loving hearts. God created everyone the same. Christ loved all regardless of their SIN, so the physical l should not have mattered to Him. Love all the same.